


Oneshots I Can't Keep Up With

by FLWR801



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Aquariums, Coming Out, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Ghosts, I cant write fluff, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Lesbian Character, M/M, Minor Violence, NaNoWriMo, Non-Graphic Violence, Nostalgia, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Trans Jeremy Heere, Trans Male Character, Zombie Apocalypse, not mentioned but implied
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-14 13:30:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16493471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FLWR801/pseuds/FLWR801
Summary: My dumbass oneshots 2018Day 1 - Coming Out/BendyDay 2 - Ghosts/StagedorksDay 3 - Zombie Apocalypse/CreekDay 4 - Coffee Shop/CreekDay 5 - Merpeople/Boyf Riends





	1. Nerves

Bebe sat on her best friend’s bed, listening to the music played. She fiddled with her hands, looking her friend up and down as she hooked up the old VCR. She didn’t know why she was so nervous. Wendy was bi herself. She had casually told her friends, no one really saying it. And Red was gay too. Why did it matter if she was? Well, Bebe would have to explain off the fake boyfriends, and have to explain why she was nervous. She knew the immediate question after she comes out. “Oh, great! Do you like anyone?” Wendy would ask her with her sweet smile on her face. It’s not like Bebe could just blurt out that she had a huge crush on her best friend.

The blonde sighed, flopping on the bed. Wendy looked up at the sound. “Everything okay?” Bebe sighed again. “Yeah. Just…”. Now or never, Bebe. “Can I tell you something?” Wendy nodded, setting the cords down and sitting next to her friend. “What’s up?” She asked, pushing a strand of dark hair away. Bebe pushed herself up. “Well, I mean. I don’t like..I like girls..not guys. Only girls.” Wendy nodded, taking in the information. “That’s fine. That’s great, Bebe! Thank you for telling me!” She hugged her friend, the blonde giving her a big hug back. When they pulled away, Wendy still held onto her shoulders gently. “So..”. She started. Here it comes, Bebe thought. She was a terrible liar. Wendy could always see right through her. This was it. The end of Bebe Stevens. Killed by embarrassment. 

“Are you interested in anyone?” Wendy asked, a small smile on her face. Bebe nodded slightly, Wendy squealing. “Who?!” Bebe laughed at her friend’s excitement. “It’s no one..”. “Oh come on, Bebe! We’ve been best friends for forever! Please?” She made big puppy dog eyes. Damn Heidi for teaching her those. Her one weakness. Bebe sighed. “It’s you.” She mumbled. Wendy stopped in her tracks. “Huh?” Her eyes were widened, staring at her friend. Bebe didn’t meet her eyes. “You! I’ve had a crush on you since seventh grade and maybe even longer and I didn’t wanna ruin…”. She trailed off as she felt a soft hand on her cheek. Wendy’s grey eyes were looking into her eyes. “You really like me?” She softly asked. Bebe nodded quickly. Wendy leaned in slowly, occasionally looking at Bebe to make sure it was okay. Bebe finally closed the gap, feeling her best friend’s soft lips on her’s. They gently kissed, holding onto each other like they would vanish into dust if they let go. Eventually they parted, resting their foreheads against each other. Wendy laughed a bit. “I wish you told me sooner..we could’ve been doing this for a lot longer.” Bebe joined in on the laughter. “I wish I had, too.” They connected again, and Bebe’s nerves finally steadied themselves.


	2. Ghost

Jeremy guessed he died in a normal way. Considering it was 1998, and even though times were changing, people were still asshats. So he’d say it makes sense that he died when he was beat to death. He only wishes he didn’t have to die in a school. Being trapped at school forever kinda sucked. Then again, there could be worse places. He could go through all the books that interested him in the library, and he could scavenge some things that people left. His favorite things to hold onto were an MP3 player and a dusty Gameboy Advanced.

However, there were only so many times you could play Super Mario Bros. and Pokemon. And by 2004, he’d exhausted every interesting book, and learned everything he needed to graduate twice. He’d tried to be a part of classes, but apparently people don’t care for you when you’re transparent and floating. Soon enough, Jeremy started hearing ghost stories about himself. Some kids even started saying acknowledging him would lead to your death. He just brushed them off, occasionally knocking over something to scare them a bit. This year, though, a small group started pushing for a school play, and finally got it. They chose to put on a production of Romeo and Juliet, and would rehearse for hours on end after school finished. 

Jeremy would watch the rehearsals, sometimes reading, sometimes listening to music, sometimes genuinely watching. One day he sat through the entire rehearsal, watching as the actress for Juliet stayed behind to clean up the theater. She hummed an unfamiliar tune as she swept, dancing around. She had bobbed black hair and a bright green dress with a large daisy on it. She wore far too many layers for the middle of April, with a denim jacket, multicolored socks, and a scarf. Eventually she looked directly at Jeremy. “Was the show good this time?” She asked. The tall teenager looked around for someone else in the room. The girl continued to sweep. “Personally I thought that was our best run through yet! The language is super hard to understand if you’re not used to it, but I feel like we capture it well! I think my death is getting better, but there’s always room for improvement, don’t you think?” 

Jeremy stared at her. “Me?” “Well yeah! There’s no one else here.” She responded, sitting down on the stage. “Well, I think the death is really good. You seem to really understand the script.” She smiled. “Thank you so much! I’ve been reading Shakespeare all my life. I’m Christine by the way.” “I’m Jeremy.” The brunette walked over to her, slowly sitting down. “Well, Jeremy, I haven’t seen you around school much. You always show up here though.” She smiled. “Oh, I don’t go here anymore. I’m...it’s complicated.” He decided, not wanting to scare off the first person to talk to him . She nodded. “So, you like theater?” “I’ve been getting into it more.” 

They talked for a long time, Christine eventually pulling out a slimmer cell phone. Jeremy stared. “Woah, what is that?” Christine gave him a confused look. “A Nokia 3310. You’ve never seen one?” She asked. The boy shook his head. “No..but I have a Gameboy Advanced!” Christine smiled. “You’ll have to bring it someday. I gotta go home, but will you be back tomorrow?” Jeremy nodded. “Then see you then! Bring your Gameboy!” She dashed out, Jeremy smiling. The next rehearsal, Christine sat with him afterwards. “Didja bring it?” Jeremy gasped. “Shit! Here, we can just go get it.” He led Christine to a locked door. She stared. 

“Um, why are we here?” The black haired girl asked. Jeremy held up a finger. “One minute.” He walked through the door, Christine gasping loudly. A lock unhooked, the door swinging open. Christine stared at Jeremy, a sheepish look on his face and a Gameboy in his hands. Christine stared in horror and confusion. “A-Are you real?” Jeremy nodded. “Yeah, I just, y’know..died.” Christine stared. “So, that’s why you didn’t know about my Nokia. And why I never see you.” She sighed. “So..you keep your stuff in there?” He nodded. “I kinda turned it into my bedroom. I have a couch and a TV and a VCR and even an MP3 player!” He opened the door more. Christine looked around the small room. “Do you have CD’s?” He shook his head no. “I’ll bring some. I know the best musicals for you.”

 

The next day Christine brought a CD player with The Killers, Britney Spears, Coldplay, The Pussycat Dolls, Gorillaz, Wicked, 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, and Avenue Q. They started spending the nights listening to music and reading out plays. They’d play Gameboy games and watch movies until Christine had to go home. On opening night of Romeo and Juliet, Christine paced behind the stage. Jeremy sighed. “Don’t worry, you’re gonna be great. I’m gonna get in the crowd. Break a leg!” He floated off, Christine smiling. As the play goes on, Christine got to the balcony scene, starting to recite her monologue. “O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; or if thou wilt not, but be sworn my name, and I shall no longer be a Capulet.” A loud creaking was heard, Christine trying to ignore it. 

“Tis but thy name that is my enemy; thou art thyse-”. The creak sounded again. “...Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What’s Montague? Is it nor hand, nor foot, nor arm nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man. O, be some other name! What’s in a name? That which we call a r-”. The creak made one last noise, screams erupting as a stage light fell right over Christine, landing right on top of her. The flimsy balcony prop broke, Christine falling with it. The audience screamed, curtains promptly closing. Jeremy quickly flew through. “Christine?! Chrissy?!” He shook her, trying to wake her up. He felt two arms around him, looking up to see Christine, with her bright green dress with a large daisy on it, and her too many layers for what was now the beginning of May, her denim jacket, her multicolored socks, and her scarf. Jeremy gasped, holding her tightly. “Chrissy..I’m so sorry..”. She just held on tighter. “It’s not your fault. It’s okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay im behind but i have days off so tomorrow you should get those three missing chapters and also i have more ideas for this au but i wanna see the reception


	3. Sharpened

Craig had gone out, mostly against his wishes, to a locally abandoned hospital. Sure, if it was Tricia who was sick, he knew Kyle would go for him, so he should return the favor for Ike. But they all knew going somewhere for supplies at this point was a death trap. Everywhere was already looted, and anywhere that wasn’t was zombie central. But if Ike died, Kyle would slump into depression, which would send Stan down, and there goes three members in a flash. But if he dies here, Tricia and Clyde slump down. There was one good scenario, and it was the least likely. But here he was anyways, looking for some basic medicine. It’s weird that things like the flu were never a problem when civilization still existed, but some bastard decided to come back to life and fuck everything up. Craig walked into his local death trap, old katana from fourth grade out. It was a stupid purchase at the time, but turned out to be a good zombie killer. No noise and long range. Perfect. The black haired teen walked through the abandoned hospital, stepping over the occasional bloody corpse. If one made a noise, he’d quickly stab it through the head, continuing on his way. He came across a storage room, walking into the small closet and grabbing bandages, medicine, and water bottles. The teen heard a faint growl, grabbing his katana to see a few zombies coming. “Dammit.” He made quick work of the first two, turning to the third. He stuck his katana into the eye socket, going to pull it out to find it stuck. “Shit..”. Craig heard more gurgling, turning to see a new horde arriving. “Shit shit shit shit.” The teen kept pulling, trying to avoid the oncoming death. “Didn’t think I’d die in a hospital storage room, but here we are.” He sighed out, accepting the oncoming fate.

And then an axe cut through the zombie’s heads. In three swift cuts all the undead were decapitated. Craig looked up to see a blonde teen with unruly hair and goggles stepping on the zombie’s corpse, eventually getting out the katana. He turned to Craig, pale face dotted with freckles and zombie blood. He handed the black haired teen the katana. “You alright? No-ghn- bites?” Craig nodded, pushing himself up. “Yeah. Thanks, by the way. How’d ya do that?” The boy pulled his goggles off, showing a mix of blue and green in his eyes. He ripped an old fire axe out of a head. “I sharpen this a lot. It makes it easier to-nh-cut these fuckers down.” Craig nodded in recognition. “I’ll try that. Are you alone here?” “No, my friends and I are looking for a place to stay. We were hoping here would be empty. Besides, Heidi’s a nurse, so we could definitely make use of the supplies.” That caught Craig’s interest. “Hang on.” He pulled out a walkie talkie. “How many of you are there?” The boy thought for a minute. “Seven.” Craig turned his walkie on. “Hey, Token.” A few seconds later his friend’s voice cut through. “Hey, Craig. How’s it going?” “I got the medicine. I might be able to get someone to help Ike, but a few people would have to come down.” He responded. The blonde smiled. “How do you know these people won’t slow us back?” Token asked. “Well one just saved my ass, so I think we’re good. Plus one’s a nurse. She’s certified, right?” Craig asked his partner. “Yeah, she took enough classes to where she can get jobs as a nurse.” He responded. Token was silent for a moment. “Fine, but make sure you pick up some extra food on the way back.”

Craig stuffed his walkie talkie back into his backpack. “You heard the man. Where’s your friends?” The blonde motioned. “Should be in the lobby. I’m Tweek, by the way. He said your name was-hng- Craig, right?” Craig nodded, following Tweek down to the lobby, where six people sat waiting for him. There was a girl with short black hair and a sharp staff, a blonde girl with a red pistol to match her torn jacket, a brunette girl with a gigantic backpack, a blonde boy with a sniper rifle and a dark hood, a boy with a poor eye and two pistols, and a girl around Tricia’s age with an old bow and arrow and oversized orange jacket. Tweek gestured. “Craig, this is Wendy, Bebe, Heidi, Kenny, Butters, and Karen. Guys, his friends are gonna take us in.” Craig looked them over. “Which one of you is the nurse?” Heidi raised her hand. “I took about five or six medical classes before shit went down, so I know how to take care of most common illnesses and injuries.” She stated. “Can you treat the flu?” The black haired boy asked. “Totally.” “Then let’s go.” Craig led the group out, most of the gang not saying much. They finally reached the old Park County Community Center, Craig knocking. “Red, open up.” The door was opened by a tall girl with bright red hair and piercings. “Welcome back Craigory. I see you’ve brought friends. Hope he didn’t bore you too much on the way here.” Craig flipped her off, his cousin returning the favor with a shit eating grin. “So, gang. I’m Red. That’s Tricia, Kyle, Stan, Clyde, Token, and Ike. Welcome to our humble abode.” She turned to Craig. “Ya got any ammo?” Craig tossed her a bigger pack, the teen smiling. “Thanks, boo.” She walked off, a ginger walking over. 

“Hey, one of you is a nurse, right?” He asked. Heidi walked over. “Yeah. It’s the flu, right? I think I can treat that.” Kyle sighed in relief. “Thank god. Ike’s over here.” He led her off, Craig turning to the remaining members. “Just make yourself comfortable.” Tweek walked up to him. “Can I see your katana?” Craig shrugged, tossing it to him. Tweek caught it, pulling out a Swiss army knife, and sitting down, working on sharpening the old sword. Craig saw a package on the side of Tweek’s bag. “What’re those?” “Snap and Pops. They don’t hurt the fuckers but it gets their attention somewhere else. Do you have water?” Craig gave him a water bottle, Tweek setting the katana down to chug it. “Ghh, thanks man.” Craig gave a small smile. “Thanks for saving my ass.” Tweek smiled back. “I like to think you would’ve done it for me.” Craig took his sharpened katana, staring down at it. “I would.”


	4. Strawberry Cupcakes

“Craig, just come down one time!” Clyde tried to convince his friend to come down. “I don’t like coffee.” Craig said. His school had introduced a new cafe in the common areas, and Clyde had been going up everyday and attempting to chat up one of the poor baristas. “It’s not just coffee! C’mon dude, I need moral support.” His friend complained. “You need a reality check.” Clyde sighed. “Craig, if you go with me today I swear I’ll pay for that dumbass telescope you want.” Craig looked up. “Fine. Let’s go.” The brunette cheered. “Yes! I knew you’d crack!” The duo walked down to the coffee shop, a crowd already there. Clyde smiled. “I’m gonna get to Bebe’s section. Get me an espresso.” Clyde handed his dark haired friend a five dollar bill, rushing over to a table. Craig stood in line, slowly waiting for people to get their coffee to try and exist throughout the day.

“Hey, I can get you over here!” A voice called, Craig leaning over to see a blonde with pins in his hair opening a register. The black haired boy walked over to see the other wiping down the counter. His eyes were a colorful swirl of blues and greens, and his pale skin was littered with freckles and covered with batter for some unknown treat. He smiled at Craig. “What can I get for you?” Craig stared for a minute, trying not to move into the Disaster Gay™ mode. “Um, an espresso and..”. He looked at the menu. “A strawberry cupcake.” The barista smiled. “Great! I just made a new batch of cupcakes, so they should be warm. That’ll be 3.37.” Craig set the five dollar bill down. “Keep the change.” The blonde smiled. “Thanks! That should be ready in about five minutes, so someone will get that to you.” Craig nodded, walking off to Clyde’s seat. He snacked on his cupcake, throwing several glances towards the counter. The next day, Craig went in again. His excuse was to go for another cupcake, which his roommates could clearly see through. The blonde smiled at the register. “Welcome back! What’ll it be?” The dark haired boy smiled back. “Green tea and a strawberry cupcake.” The barista smiled, taking Craig’s card and ringing it up. Instead of batter, he had some frosting strewn on his face and apron. “I’ll get that to you in a minute!” Craig took a seat, the blonde walking over a few minutes later with his order. “Here you go!” Craig smiled, taking a sip of his tea. “Thanks.” “Hey, this is super weird, but it’s my break. Can I sit here?" Craig smiled. "Yeah. I'd like that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again a really short chapter but like ive got homework


	5. Siren's Song

“Guys!” Jenna plopped down at her lunch table, a small group of her school’s theater tech crew. Chloe handled the costumes, Rich did effects, Michael did lights and sound, and Jenna herself did sets and props. “They just got the coolest new exhibit at work you’re not gonna fuckin’ believe it!” The girl continued. Chloe sighed. “If it’s a dolphin or a whale, I think I’ll believe it, Jen.” Jenna stuck her tongue out, Chloe mimicking the action. The two laughed for a minute, Jenna quickly cutting off. “But seriously. They’re saying they got real life merpeople in there!” Michael looked at his friend. “Really? It’s probably some broke college students with plastic tails and snorkels.” 

“Well, you’ll find out. I got us all tickets for the opening.” The teen held up four tickets, handing them out to her friends. “Plus we get the best seats, cause I get an employee bonus for that shit.” Chloe laughed. “Turns out your shitty job was good for something.” “Oh fuck off, Valentine! It’s good to get into marine biology! Could’ve done without the screaming kids, but that’s showbiz, baby.” Jenna said. Rich laughed. “So what time we meeting there? Four?” Jenna shrugged. “It opens at five, so sure.” Michael nodded. “Works for me. See ya then, gamers.”

By four fifty, the group watched the covered tank, listening for any noise or signs of life. They’d been there for almost an hour, trying to take peeks as the crowd behind them grew as time passed. Three minutes before the opening, Michael gave a haphazard tap on the glass. A small tap came from the other side, the quartet staring in amazement. They didn’t have a minute to discuss it before a loud noise came from on top of the tank walkway. “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming on this momentous night!” The owner declared. “I am proud to unveil the first known merperson! Half man, half fish, right here and now!” The curtain fell, the room gasping as the sight unveiled.

It was clear as day that they weren’t fake. You could see where the scales met skin, where the gills laid on their skin, the soft fins on their ears moving slowly. Michael stared at the one on the glass, the one who had been tapping to him. He had pale skin, dotted with greyish blue freckles. He had brown fluffy hair that danced in the water, and bright blue eyes that looked like the ocean was captured in them. His tail matched his eyes, small parts flickering a white or green as it moved. The boy with glasses slowly put his hand on the glass, the merman mirroring the action. The four stayed there, the merman not moving very far. One mermaid seemed to be waving to younger children while one took a nap on the sand. The other merman seemed to relax with the other fish in the aquarium. One by one people started leaving, but the teenagers stayed still. Michael tapped the glass softly, alerting the drowsy merman. “Can you hear us?” The merman nodded. He opened his mouth, seeming to speak, but nothing but bubbles came out. He bit his lip in frustration. Suddenly, his eyes lit up. He tapped his hand, slowly signing something out. Michael thanked whatever god was out there for ASL courses, watching the movements.

Can you understand this? Michael nodded. “I took some ASL classes.” Rich nudged him gently. “You’re having a conversation with a merman.” Chloe swatted her friend. “And let them finish their conversation.” What’s your name? “I’m Michael. Yours?” The merman smiled. I’m Jeremy. Thanks for talking to me. Aside from the others it’s pretty boring in here. Michael laughed, about to say something else before a loud announcement rang out. “The Middleborough Aquarium will be closing in ten minutes! Thank you for your visitation and come back soon!” Jeremy made a face. Come back soon? Michael nodded. “Yeah, tomorrow’s Saturday, I can be here all day.” The merman smiled. See you tomorrow, Michael. He waved, swimming off to talk to a mermaid with a pinkish red tail. Jenna started talking, but Michael didn’t here. Maybe the rumors about merfolk luring humans to their untimely demise was true, but Michael was pretty sure it was too late for him to try and escape the siren’s song he was put under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dude im so tired but i really like this au and might turn it into a full story who knows not me


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